AGAIN?

[Sick]

So, let me give ya some background on the situation at hand. I don't do serious relationships anymore because the first I had I fell in love and was cheated on for no good reason. She said "I couldn't help it. I was drunk." as if that's an excuse. And with a friend of mine no less. The next one I was in lasted for two and a half weeks. I thought "this girl is really cool and what are the odds I'll get fucked over again". Guess what happened. I walk in on her and her ex right in the middle of some nastiness. So, I swear off relationships for good. Then, my good "friend" Cass, who I was friends with for three years tells me she loves me. I decide what the hell, I really dig this girl, and I can trust her 'cause she knows about what I've been through and at least wouldn't do that to me. I get back from a weekend stay at my grandfathers and my friendo Jay hands me his phone and says "sorry brother". On his phone is a picture of Cass making out with her ex on sunday. I call her up, tell her what I've seen and all she could say was that she was sorry. I told her she doesn't exist to me anymore, and if I see her again it'll be like she isn't even there and hung up. I've haven't spoken to her since.
After the same shit happening to me three fucking times, I can't help but think it's something I'm doing. I don't get it. I listen to what she has to say, get her a little something every now and then, even though I'm broke, break off plans with my friends to chill with her, and I don't even so much as look at other women whether she's there or not. But three fucking times. It's got me all confused. It's enough to make an addict use again, but I won't because I feel like I would be letting you guys down. Can't do that. I don't know man. Maybe I just have shit luck at picking which people to trust. Back to the soulless, meaningless, one night stands that I barely remember the next morning 'cause I drank way too much.
This shit should hurt, right? It kinda scares me the ability I have to shut down and truly not feel anything. Emotionally or physically. With one simple picture, I went from in love to I no longer care about this person in any sense. It's not normal and I'd like to know how to change it. I don't like being numb. I got some drinking to do. Peace and love to all my friendo's.

[Lace]

I so know what you are going thru. A few months ago I found out my husband had been cheating on me. He and I have been together since 1993 and he cheated on me 7 times in a two and a half year period that ended in May when I found out. We are seeing a therapist and working on it but I still don't know if I am going to stay with him. He ripped away so much from me when I found out. I doubt I'll ever fully recover. Life & love just sucks,lol. Anyhow, Just sending ya some (((hugs)))