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retseh and Ash are now friends

March 20

So Hello,
My name is Hester, I am 16 years old and I live in Amersfoort (in Holland)

About me:
(bad and good points)

I'm a little claustrophobic,
I'm afraid of high places,
I talk a lot about my problems, and just keep talking.
I don't like myself (from the out and inside)
I hate mosquitoes, and I can't sleep when they are in the room.
I spend my money way to fast.
I smoke,
I drink,
I like someone and the next moment I don't.
I can be judgmental but I don't show it.
I'm critical.
I hate my boobs.
I hate shopping.
I love going out.
I love playing pool,
I love my friends.
I love my guitar and my electric violin.
I love music.
I love acting like a 2 year old sometimes,
I love being serious and be taking serious too.
I hate working.
I love my paycheck.
I love having stuff around my arms.
I hate being bored (cause I smoke a lot)
I hate people who judge you for how you look!
I hate that when I'm drunk I faint a lot.
I faint a lot (also when I'm not drunk)
I love my parents,
I have 2 sisters one I love, and one I love too but not as much (personal reasons)
(Like almost every girl thinks) I am fat.
I hate being around people and just sit there and I can't say anything cause I'm scared they don't like me.
I have a very strange sense of humor.
I laugh a lot lately.
I like boys and girls.
I am single for almost 8 months because I needed to know that I can be happy even without having a boy/girlfriend. (and now I sort of know)
I love the rain,
I love water,
I hate wool because I always get the feeling it's stuck in my throat and I'm chewing on it and I get all shivery. Some people can't stand nails on a blackboard, I can't stand wool or the blackboard eraser, unless it's a sponge.

And most of all, I think I hate myself because it's eas(y/ier).
I always choose the easy way out. I want to love myself but it's going to take a long time, but I accept myself and I think that's enough for now.

And that's about it, need to know more, let me know.

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At 9:49am on August 21, 2008, Damiana BloodDagger said…: well thank you for offering to be there..... I have a bit of trouble opening up to people sometimes but I will try. I am happy that you do find yourself beautiful at least sometimes.... I do too sometimes. lol So how is your day so far?

At 8:32am on August 21, 2008, Damiana BloodDagger said…: You are welcome I think.... I don't have a reason to not be nice to you. I have been where you are and sometimes still am there.... You are a beautiful girl .... inside and out. ( even if you are a bit suicidal or homicidal like me ...I am both sometimes ) Sorry so much to hear about your best friend moving to Arizona. That always sux bad and leaves a hole. Losing a best friend to distance is worse than being dumped because your best friend is there no matter what and a significant other usually is only there to benifit them too... If you need to talk I am always here like I said. Hope your day is full of at least some kind of joy!! :-)

At 7:22am on August 21, 2008, Evilyna said…: Wow, that sounds rather interesting. I kind of miss being in ballet, even though that was about 13 years ago... I wish I had appreciated my childhood. Guess that's what happens when you grow up too fast. ;)

How long was the festival? I imagine at least a few days if you had to sleep in tents.

At 7:07am on August 21, 2008, Evilyna said…: It's good to hear you are keeping busy. ^.^ What kind of festival is it? We've been having a fair few festivals over here. Mostly music festivals, but I'm certainly not complaining. Unfortunately I missed out on them this year... but hopefully next year I'll get more involved in the community.

At 10:10am on August 20, 2008, Damiana BloodDagger said…: Hi Hester. My name is Amanda and thanks so much for the add... and don't worry I hate myself from the inside out too most days!! Hope things are going well with you and I am always here if you ever need to talk, vent, or just goof off lol.... :-P

At 9:28am on August 20, 2008, Kayla said…: Hey Hester :)

At 8:10am on August 20, 2008, Evilyna said…: Thank you for your kind words. Sorry it has taken so long for me to reply but there has been some issues I had to sort out. I hope you are having a great week. *hugs*

Take care,
Evilyna

At 11:34am on August 7, 2008, Evilyna said…: I've also done some soul searching... I got heavy into religion (only learning about it objectively, as I am more of what you'd call a spiritualist), philosophy and quantum physics. I wanted to know how I operate and also how the world operates on a cellular level. I've learned a lot about myself and I had to dig deep and exorcise demons. All my demons of the past aren't gone yet but they won't be until I've moved out and made a name for myself. It's good that you're starting the self-discovery process at such a young age. You sound very wise. ^.^ As for self-confidence, that simply takes time and it's something that must come from within. No one can just tell you you're beautiful... you have to believe it for yourself. Who cares what everyone else thinks? You only have yourself in the end. So live as if no one's watching or judging you. Make your own mark. Carve your own path. Having a level of self-acceptance is the first step to having confidence in yourself so you are making progress. I'm still getting there slowly...

I also love sarcasm. I use it daily-- maybe even a little too much.

Sorry my message is so long...

At 10:39am on August 7, 2008, Evilyna said…: It does look like you spent time to plan it out well. It is important for people to know both sides, which is why I posted an "interview" of sorts. That way, people can tell what I'm like by the way I answer questions. There's a lot of sarcasm that shows, I noticed... Perfectly flawed, indeed. We all are in one way or another. ;) OT3P is a real genius for writing that song and well... everything she does. XD

At 8:18am on August 7, 2008, Evilyna said…: Thank you for accepting my request! I love how honest you are with yourself. I find it difficult to reveal both my good traits and bad. Kudos.