Progress not perfection!

So first I would be lying if I said that Shamaya did not have a huge part to do with me being a member here her ability to take tragedy and create art has impacted my life on a deep level and the tale of how our paths crossed is another amazing part of my journey with that aside I would like to share my story.
I am 33 now and remember back when I was younger and wanted to be anybody but me I hated my home life where the level of addiction was intoxicating, I hated school and my peers *the little mean fucks they were*.I simply hated my life.. I was not hott or petite by any stretch of the imagination and looked up to body sizes such as Kate Moss and Linda Evangelista back when Heroin sheek was the fad I had countless pictures on my walls of the skinniest girls with the "perfect bodies" all I could think about was beeing them and not me. "THEN THEY WOULD LOVE ME"
So I started with a simple diet with results* but it was never enough* this led me to a less simple diet that was obsessive and compulsive with drugs and self mutilationan.."HOLY SHIT I AM MY FAMILY" it brought me from healthy and unhappy to dying and miserable and strung out to say the least. I started the fight with addiction not even noticing it was a fight of sorts I ended up spirutally and mentally bankrupt and doing all the things that I said I would never do I was stuck in a world of isolation and degragationand my body was rotting from the inside out, but my disease kept telling me that I was beautiful and excepted and as long as I numbd the pain no one would have to see that ugly little girl that everyone hated.... so I continued this cycle of insanity for years....Well it wasnt alright and it definately wasnt fun anymore my drug of choice started as a way to be skinny and excepted and then spun out of control and left me for dead I realized that if I didnt change my way of thinking I would end up dead. And dispite what the committee in my head kept telling me I really did want to live...Today I am healthy and happy the only regret I do have is all of the time I wasted worried about how I looked or what other people thought of me,being a people pleaser for so many years never thinking about or dealing with me or my health, my past or the wreckage of my past.
Dont get me wrong this is not a cry for help but merely my story and the reason I feel so strongly about this cause.
Today I take care of my health first, I eat right, exercise, go to the doctor, refuse to indulge in the poison that is Drugs & Alchohol.
I take time out to carry the message through speaking at adolescent treatment facilities I share my experience strength and hope with others I know for me that my reflection never worked for me as a matter of fact it only lied, I had to find my inner self that person who had been there all along and start feeding her becouse she was starving for love and life and I had deprived her long enough.