Who has a cool funny or whatever story to tell.

[evilpuke]

So here is one I got from a couple years back. Friends called me up to go hit a bar, and I did. Got home about one in the morning or so and immediately got on the computer. About one fourty five somebody knocks on my door. Now I don't live in the greatest of neighborhoods, but my gut instincts told me that I could open the door this particular time. I open the door and their is a young female (18?) wearing pants..... and nothing else. When I mean nothing else, I mean no shirt bra socks or shoes, just pants and I assume underwear.

She says to me "there after me, help me, help me." I am in some sort of state of shock. I tell her to come in and she is shaken up. I notice her pants are torn and she has blood on her foot and her stomach. Looked like somebody might have tried to rape her. She is still saying there after me there after me. So I give her a small comforting hug and said go into the kitchen and clean your self up a bit, i'll go grab you a shirt. I pointed her to the kitchen and I made my way to my closet, taking the time to pick out a shirt that I wouldn't miss because I was sure I would never get it back. So I meet back up with her in the living room and give her the shirt. She still has blood on her stomach. I ask her did you just smear blood there or are you bleeding from your stomach. She then just walks to the door, opens it and walks out. I watch this happen because I am still in a bit of a shock at all this. I walk to the door and look at and she is at the corner already.

So I think to myself this girl needs some sort of help. I hop in my truck and I drive after her. Around the block is a main road and an Arby's with a big bush in front. I pull into the parking lot where she is and yell hey its me from the house you just left. She runs to the front around the other side of the bush. I drive over there, she runs to the other side, I drive over there. Then I lost her. So I drive back to my house, and thinking the girl is still in need of some sort of help, I call the cops and tell them what happened. After I talk to them I get the wonderful idea to hop on my motorcycle, because she hasn't seen it and a bit more mobile than my truck. As soon as I get out to the main road where the Arby's is I see a cop car drive past and pull in next to another cop car at the tattoo shop across the street.

I pulled up there and tell the cop what happened to me. My tattoo artist works there so I got to hear what he had to say. Him and his fellow tattoo artist were closing up the shop when there was a loud banging on the door. Both of them are like what the fuck. So he grabs a revolver and goes to the front and there is a half naked chick carrying a tshirt. So he opens the door and she's babbling about there after me there after me. By that time I think she might have been referring to me. Not knowing what else to do they call the cops. She started telling them conflicting stories so they took her to jail. I go home and call my friend who was at the bar with me and tell her what happened. She said dude i'm to drunk to comprehend all this shit right now, i'm going back to sleep. Then I laid down and reflected and fell asleep.

I never got my shirt back.

[ilb4ever]

that is some crazy shit right there

[Jane Doe]

My hair for some reason smelled like a cross between cat piss and horse shit (probably because my hair gets a little wet and I happen to be in the same room as my cat's litter box and there's a bunch of horses along where I walk to the bus stop).I'm in my 1st hour Geometry class and I keep going in and out of sleep and eventually I ask if I could go to the bathroom.When I do I decide to wash my hair in the sink XD The school soap works surprisingly well XD

[Mr Monster]

So a couple of my old friends, Josh and his girlfriend Amy, and I are just sitting around doing what we normally do, shooting the shit. It's publicly known that Amy has a low sex drive and Josh has an eternal case of the blue balls syndrome so I pick on them about it whenever I get the chance. Josh and I are talking back and forth about a female version of "Viagra" that the same company is developing called "Vigette" and he claims he's going to spend the rest of his life earnings on it. I say "Mhmm, and crush it all into dust, then slip it something she's drinking and hope she gets horny enough for one night. Otherwise," I say "there's no way" in a mocking tone of the guy from Family Guy. He and I laugh it up for a bit then he looks at Amy and says in a very serious tone "We need to take you to the doctor and get your libido checked." I followed up with "Yeah, along will a full vaginal checkup, your Labia Majora and 'Minora' " which I said as (MY-nor-ah) and she quickly responds "Do I look Jewish to you?" (She apparently heard Minora as Mih-nor-ah).

Commence laughter....


Btw, I'm not anti-semitist. Those of the Jewish race or as equal in my eyes as all other faiths, as misguided as they may be.