Holding it all inside

[XMETAL_MASSACREX]

Many times in life, we bury things deep beneathe our innermost shells. Things we would just love to tell a certain person...things a lot of time that need to be said, but are never spoken. Things that never leave our minds, even though we try with all your being to push them from our thoughts and then they end up destroying a part of us because we've have held them in for so long. So let's make this our safe page, where we can be ourselves and tell those things we wanna say to that person...regardless if the person ever reads it. They need to be said one way or another. Feel free to share as many stories as you have....llet's start healing together

[XMETAL_MASSACREX]

Ryan Taylor
You're just the disgusting man who got my mother pregnant. I used to look up to you as some hero. Back then as a lil girl with my eyes so wide, and my heart so forgiving. But I will never call you my father again. Your just some old fading man in my life...too afraid to live life. Your entiire life...oh my god...all you've done from the beginning is blame everything on everyone else. All your freaking life! It is so old. Grow up. You're 40 freaking years old, living in your parents basement...who you bash all the time, and you have no friends. Yep...your the kind of role model I was hoping for...not. I gave you the benefit of the doubt a few years back, that you would change. After losing it all and having nothing left, but me..your daughter...you still found a way to push all your hatred into me. Sorry, I got fed up. I got tired of feeling like I had to be the parent to an old man. You are a selfish loser who still will never learn. I will admit it has gotten easier. After I got smart and came to terms with the idea that you will never shape up, and stopped calling you..I now can go on a lil less strained by the fact that I have never had a father. And you know what's more painful than not having you as a father now...the fact that I lived in the same house as you, but it was like there was a wall of brick barricading you. You didn't talk to me, and you ignored everything. I hope you at least somewhere in your empty and black soul, that you know that you screwed up and will never get the life you had back

[XMETAL_MASSACREX]

That is so very true. The whole situation was screwing up my mentality and even making me feel guilty for his choices

[evilpuke]

Mom,

How could you walk out on us you fucking cunt. No word no warning just fucking gone. I know you came back and demanded to see me three or four months later. Where the fuck were you, how long did it take you to figure out you wanted me in your fucking life. You broke my dads heart when you did that. Makes me want to punch you in the fucking face for this. Where were you, where the fuck did you go.

[XMETAL_MASSACREX]

mom, how can you stay in an empty marriage with a lazy ass stupid alcoholic who does nothing but down the booze and sleep his life away. He has nothing to offer. Not intelligence, not love, not giving, not a damn thing. Why do you have to be so dependent on other people. I know if you really tried you could stand on your own. I would help you with all my being. You complain all fucking day and night about everything him and his kids do, but you never do anything to change it. It's meaningless and I know you deserve so much better

[adam]

to brendon

i miss u so much dude u were the brother i never had and everyday i hate that i didnt make the right decision to come to your house maybe u would have never gotten killed. i am also sorry for not seeing your mom but its hard for me to go to your house and u not be there i as a person have totally changed the morning i got the call no the last time i saw u in the casket was the day that the adam everyone knew died i have become darken and heartless to a degree and its because i miss u so much u were always there for me i could come to your house at 3 in the morning if i was having a problem and u would let me in like it was nothing and we would talk the rest of the night i miss those days i also miss beating u in tecmo bowl and u getting so mad and almost breaking your controller you accepted me when i was starting to be the real me u said the music was kinda weird but u didnt care as along as i was happy thanks for being my bestfriend i love u dude i cant wait until we r together again

[Andrea.]

Holding it in...something I do too often.
I am a girl whom has barly started her life. Freshemen year i've learned the harshness of High School..and it is cruel and unforgiving. Since this is a safe page I guess... if you don't mind me expressing myself, well I've had a father who was never there, I don't even remember his face. He sends me letters from his prison cell. I havent gotten one for a few months now... he's supposably getting married again. And If he ever showed his face to me... I dont know what exactly I would do if he came back. He was never there for me, so why should I care? My mom had another kid... he wasnt wanted he yells at him and gives him shit food, and hearing her yell at him in the middle of the night was very painfull, just because his hand "hit her" in the face or something. I used to be a self injurer but I have stopped.... thanks to a few good freinds... I've learned that people arent what they seem, people can put on a fake smile and pretend like their your freind.. like they love you.. but they ulitmatly talk shit behind your back to their other freinds that they care for. I defended someone like that, and now are made fun of for my past. Called "Emo" and him woundering why I havent commited Suicide yet.... My grandpa is always at home doing chores with his broken leg, and me I jsut sit here and pity my self for things that arent my fault, stressing about things alot. and eventually (sometimes) scratching at my arms.. me and a freind had gotten into an arguement about me cutting and a teacher overheard it, so now I have to go to councelling and my mother knows about it. Now shes always asking me "are you Ok?" and "did you do anything?" it bugs the shit out of me and I wish she never herd it from the begining. I am a fuck up, I am flawed and Otep fucking Shamaya taught me that through her song. She has made me stronger with how her life was and taught me that I should lvoe myself no matter what, I don't really but I try.. Otep Shamaya is my Idol. I thank her for everything. She made me see that life is never fair, but you gotta do what you need to in the few decades your alive. Make a Scene, Be Herd, and DONT BE SILENT.

[Cheez Romance]

edgar lazarro

fuck you dude and fuck everything you've ever made me feel... you made a false promise that you were different and you said you were willing to prove that but you turned out even worse that miguel ...you've certainly broke me and i hope you're fucking happy... i wish i could make you feel the same way you made me feel.... disgusted!! i hope your happy because i'm not....

[Emily]

Cody. Why do you get pleasure out of making me feel terrible? WHY DO YOU LAUGH AT ME EVERYTIME I SEE YOU!? Why must you talk about me to other people? I hate you so much but I can't help but love you too and I hate myself for it. I cut myself because of what you do to me!

I am just a teenager who has a semi-good life but who still feels sorry for herself. I cut myself every night over some guy who shouldn't mean anything to me and over the 'horrible' life I am living. I am called emo and my friends yell at me other than help me with my depression. I can't help it by myself. I tell myself everyday that I am not ugly and I still believe that I am. I hate the way I think and I wish i could just die so I don't have to deal with anything anymore. I am called selfish and I know I am but its another thing I can't help.
I cant let everything out...

[Charlotte Tracey]

This is actually a letter I plan on giving to her.

Dear Alecia,

I’m sorry for all that you’ve gone through, and for everything that I’m sure waits for you in the future. We have all tried to help you as best we can for as long as you’ve asked us. When you needed to get away we picked you up and brought you back when you were ready to return. When you needed a babysitter we freely offered to help. When you needed money we lent what we could. When you needed a ride we drove you to where ever it was you needed to go. To Yonkers, to Albany, anywhere. Even when it was inconvenient and we were tired and poor, we took you in and helped you. You weren’t always appreciative of our help, or at least didn’t always voice it. You didn’t seem to care to care how busy and tired we were when you wanted us to do something for you. Even still, we helped you. We have seen through your lies, your deception, and your manipulations. You never called us just to talk, or asked how we were, or helped us with our lives. But we dropped ours to help you with yours. We did all this hoping that one day you would get your act together. That one day would drop the dead beat boyfriends, the pregnancy scares and the lies you used to cover it all up. But we can’t do it anymore. You have abused us all for too long. You wore us down and you broke the friendship we had. We won’t grant you anymore favors. We won’t give you anymore rides, or any more money. We have suffered enough, all in the sake of trying to help you. If you call, we might not answer. If you ask for help we will decline. We gave you all the tools you need to help yourself and you threw them all aside. We understand that you have lost a lot in life. Everything you’ve done can only lead us to believe that you are trying to get back to that happy family you always wanted, but you can’t do it with the type of guys you try to be with, in the way you try to do it. You need to stop playing these games with people. Stop dating drug addicted losers. Stop using faulty methods of birth control. Get a job. Support yourself. Live your life like a respectable person should, not in the trash like you are. Stop throwing away people’s help, and start appreciating it. Get your life together.

We love you Alecia, and don’t think for a second we want to see you hurt. But we can’t enable you anymore. We just can’t stand the abuse. If you want to talk, or need advice, we can help with that, but for now that is all we can do for you. Please help yourself. Please get your life on track before you really hurt yourself.

[Neha Singh]

Cason
I don't even know you. All I know is you fucked my best friend and dumped her. You told her you fucking loved her. You were so sweet to her. You looked like a fucking saint. I know she really loved you, but you fucked her and ditched her, you fucking shallow bastard. I remember how happy she was to be with you, during the summer. I remember how incredible a person she used to be. Then, the next time I see her, she tells me you fucked her and you're not talking to her. A month later, she gets high on METH and five xanax at fucking GIRL SCOUT CAMP and nearly gets busted. All because of you. She cried for five fucking hours after that! Can't you see what you've done to the girl? I hope you got that message we left on your phone. I hope you did something for her, you son of a bitch. 'Cause if I ever meet you, I'm gonna smash your fucking face in. You bastard, you deserve to die for fucking a young girl up like that.

[Jane Doe]

David
I was there when you were crying and saying that you wanted to get shot so people would respect you.Now you ignore me even though I'm starting to feel the same.We were friends for 2 years, I was concerned when you cut letters into your arm (his grandmas initials)

Brandon
I hate you. You lead me on for months thinking we were going to be good friends even though at random times you would just drop me like I don't exist. I probably lost a lot of respect just by being associated with you

"I can't turn my back on you
when you walk away..."